The Baby Farmer

It's Been a While

2010-07-30T10:46:00.000-07:00

We're not holding Finn hostage, I swear. We've just been so busy that I forgot about the blog for a while. Also, I've been writing more on The OakFin. If you haven't visited my new site, please do! I write about Finneas on there as well.

Finneas is 9 months old. 9 MONTHS OLD ALREADY! He's crawling, cruising furniture, clucking his tongue, understands "Momma, Dada, Kitty, No, Come to Momma, Bye Bye and Kisses." He babbles Mama and Dada but only once in a while uses them in a way that makes us think he actually is talking about us rather than simply enjoying the way those sounds feel as they come out of his mouth. His Baby Led Weaning diet has expanded to include so many foods from fresh figs to soba noodles, tofu, balsamic roasted veggies, aged mature cheddar and many more. He loves lima beans, lentils and black beans. He adores broccoli and melons, asparagus, brussels sprouts…okay, he loves everything we put in front of him. He has a healthier diet than most adults I know!

I plan to write more about BLW on The OakFin because there isn't much about it online or in books. However, it has not only been a truly rewarding way to feed Finn, it has also helped tremendously with some digestive issues Finn was having when we were pushing purees as our Doc suggested. He's also been sleeping better since we transitioned him to feeding himself 100% of the time. We've all been sleeping better! There are people who think I'm nuts, because this sort of feeding allows Finn to wean from the breast when he wants and for some reason, people have issues seeing a toddler breastfeeding. If you thinks it's weird, I suggest reading some scientific and medical articles about the benefits of long-term breastfeeding, and you'll see, it's not bad at all. It's fantastic! Granted, I totally understand why many people do not want to let their babies choose when to wean. Everyone has to choose what's best for them, and BLW is what's best for us. So if you are interested, keep an eye out, I will have more info soon!

Here are some pics of the past few weeks. You can see that we've been camping and having lots of fun!

Alki

Denny Creek

Excitement!

1st time in a pool

Peaches, hummus and whole wheat pita bread

Alki

Camping

Goats, Brocoli, Baseball and More!

2010-05-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

Here's another long one, for those Finneas fans out there!

Happy 6 Months Finny!

2010-05-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

Finn is now 6 ½ months old! Unbelievable! Here is a long, long, but awesome video with pics at the end. Here's a little Finny profile as well...

28"

19.5 lbs

Basically, he is as tall as most one year olds and just slightly skinnier.

Likes: Papaya, Mango, Stoney the Great Old Cat, the sound of rain, his own reflection, milk, milk, milk, Ma and Pa of course, looking at the ocean from park benches, cuddling, laughing, screaming, walking on our feet, Quinoa, pretending to crawl, peek-a-boo, sputtering raspberries, reading time and splashing in the tub!

Dislikes: Dad's sneeze, the blender, brocoli. That's it. Really.

He has two teeth and is working on the third and fourth. He is near crawling, and accidentally says mama and dada often. Accidentally. We'll let you know when it's for real! He hates being in the stroller unless I'm running, so we alternate running and then walking with the front pack! I'm getting back in shape, to say the least! He can reciprocate a kiss, with lots of drool of course and as you can tell he's sweet, sweet, sweet!

Beautiful Baby

2010-03-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

The pictures above are of the babies in my PEPS group. In baby time, they are relatively old. As these are from almost two months ago! You can spot Finneas easily; he is the giant of the group; he is also the eldest, so he doesn't feel too bad about it. Also, below are a few pictures taken by a friend, a husband of one of my momma/PEPS friends, Jeff Lynch. I love that he was able to capture a few expressions that I see everyday but have always had a hard time capturing with my own camera, and when I have they never turn out as good as this! Jeff is an engineer by day and photographer by night. He has recently incorporated babies into his photographic repertoire since he and his lovely wife welcomed their own little sweet pea into their life. You can check out his work at www.jefflynchphotography.com .

Aren't these adorable!

Finn is a little over 5 months now. He's sitting, rolling in all directions, babbling, laughing, hollering, testing his different volumes and playing, playing, playing. He is so much fun!

Also, I am writing a little less on this blog, I have started, yet another blog at theoakfin.com , which seems like a food blog right now, but is really about the things I do and make. I just happen to make a lot of things out of food these days - mostly with Finneas attached to my back. There are recipes, lots of photos, and writing. I will still be posting to this blog, but I would love for you to subscribe to the Oakfin as well. Much love!

Flower Child

2010-02-17T17:16:00.000-08:00

The flowers made Finneas so excited, wild and waving hands kind of excited, that he grabbed the most alluring - the biggest, most open tulip, ripped the flower from the stem and proceeded to carry it around with him, like a little prince, until he tried to eat it. A very wondrous and curious moment ending with a petal covered floor, a pollen dusted baby nose, and these photos.

Family Days

2010-02-14T22:37:00.000-08:00

We are now skilled in baby mustachery. Enjoy.

Finn's Movie Debut

2010-02-13T09:55:00.001-08:00

I put this video together as a montage of some (of the many) new sounds Finneas shares with us. It is long but totally worth it if you're a fan.

Slobber, Chub and Chuckles

2010-01-27T17:14:00.000-08:00

So you can all quit hassling me - here is an update.

Life with a three month old baby is busy. Lately, we've been trying to convince Uncle Bob and Auntie Jimena to move to Seattle from Florida. It was so much fun to have them in town and we hope they visit again soon! Also, I am now working two days a week, joining mommy groups, trying to go to the gym, and taking walks whenever the sunshine makes a debut. Finneas has been chatting, no hollering, at me non-stop for the past couple of days. He found his voice several weeks ago and each day he discovers a new sound. It's amazing to watch him contort his little mouth only to stumble upon the wide range of vocal instruments one little tot can have. His baby Poindexter laugh sends me rolling, at which time he begins to laugh at my laugh. I love that we find each other hilarious. When pregnant, I worried that I wouldn't be an amusing enough mother. My baby entertainment skills were limited to zerberts and raspberries; I had the smallest box of overly used tricks ever. But now I see that adoration and entertainment are mutually exclusive for a baby, and you learn as you go. Everything is a toy. The laundry is like the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese's, (but without the needles and dirty diapers) and my hand is a rubix cube. I can read philosophy on the high end of treble, and my boy thinks I'm singing him a song. Finn is also amused by smelling my baking extracts, and implies from time to time, that I'm his favorite dance partner.

New in development: Finn's recent fascination with his thumb. He sucks it, bites it and shoves it as far back in his mouth as his big hand will allow. I can just picture him being in kindergarten saying to the kid one desk over, "I bet you can't stick your whole fist in your mouth, like this..." He's also gazing, mostly at me, for long periods of time. When he's done playing he just peers at me from behind his squeaking toys; it's a loving stare that doesn't beg, but lures me into scooping him up and snuggling him. Not that he has to try very hard for that to happen! Everyday Finneas shapes me into a more loving and kind person, and for that I will always thank him.

Now, if I take you past the beautiful old growth, to the clear cut, I can tell you that Finneas WAS sleeping great - one 4-5 hour stretch followed by two hour increments afterward. But now we are back to waking every 45 min - 2 hours to nurse, and nursing for an hour or more at times!!! This has been happening off and on since going back to work. Poor baby misses his mum. Adam says things like, "yea, but he goes back to sleep afterward, right?" like it's not that hard to have your sleep constantly interrupted. But it is. By the way, Adam is a fantastic dad, and even though Finny misses his mom, I can tell he loves his Papa time! Dad just has no idea what it's like to sleep like a mom.

Also, something I'm eating, or as it turns out, a bunch of things in my vegetarian diet give Finneas gas - painful, tender tummy kind of gas. Watching him be uncomfortable makes us both miserable. I'm trying to eliminate foods that produce unwanted gas, fussiness, and other symptoms but have been left with so little of options I'm down to a rather unhealthy diet. I may even eat meat. Okay, okay, I'll admit it... I already ate it: prosciutto, culatello, serrano, salame...!!!! Did I enjoy it? Of course. I was never vegetarian because I didn't like the taste of salty cured pork products; I did it because I love pigs, cows, goats like people love their pet cats and dogs. I can't believe I made it through 40 weeks of pregnancy, where my work environment smelled like breakfast bacon all day long to break now. That's what I get for being a slightly malnourished, breastfeeding mom, working at a specialty food store. Delaurenti - you finally broke me down! I am, though, only consuming 'tastes' that are 'on the house' for 'educational purposes.' I'm not ready to actually buy meat and cook it at home. How would I even go about that?

Truly, I will wake up for Finneas as much as he needs and eat whatever I have to so that he's comfortable. And I will try not to complain about any of the hard spots much, because one - he is my baby, and my baby can do no wrong, and two - he's kind of perfect. Also, I would rather be the one that takes night duty instead of Adam - he's working full time and is a busy dad as I am a busy mom. He would bottle feed Finneas if I asked him to, but as silly as it seems, I'm not ready to give up night duty with my baby, even with it's inconvenient timing. Babies aren't convenient.

Stats: For those that are curious, Finneas has fully recoverd from being ill over New Year's. He's a healthy 15.5 pounds in the 95th percentile (for height and weight) and is 'on track' developmentally in every way. The photograph above is of Finn when he wasn't feeling well. The one below is of Finn is the famous Lobster Larvae costume from Bob and Jimena! I hope all my friends and family are doing well! AND don't forget to leave comments, otherwise it feels like lonesome self-conversing. Much love - The Kestlers

Rattle Me This

2009-12-09T18:42:00.000-08:00

We have been inundating Finneas with a mega variety of rattles: wrist rattles, plastic rattles, rattles in the shape of moose, caterpillars and bugs, keys and cows. I usually wave any one of the given rattles in front of his face and accompany that pepper shaker swish with my own track. And when I'm at that point where my lexicon has reached a whole new level of baby and I'm performing a sing song of helicopter noises and facially contorting to new levels of ridiculousness that I dare not even repeat for myself in front of a mirror or I would sulk in embarrassment, he just stares at me with his big blue peepers and this makes me feel like the most important person in the world. Why - because I am more entertaining than a baby rattle you ask?

And We Rename Him Goliath Fudolf!

2009-12-03T07:53:00.000-08:00

Finneas is now 5.5 weeks old and more than 11 lbs and 11 oz putting him in the 97th percentile for his age. Adam is aiming Finn for the 99th percentile, which is easy for him to do since his nutritive powers are null. Anyway, 97th is like winning silver at the Olympics and we mustn't scoff at that! How wonderful to be a giant among the legions of little. And you can see, he is especially huge and intimidating in his polar bear fleece.

Over Thanksgiving weekend we made the trip to the San Juans to visit my Dad and Susan, aka Grandpa Popeye and Grandma Sus. The night before we left, the surface area of our apartment met its match with our packables. I kept going over every item, weighing the necessity of each, until I came to he conclusion that we needed it all - even the bouncy chair. With every trip prior a single backpack between the two of us was sufficient. The addition of one tiny being meant our microvan was replete with everything baby, plus our one little bag. It was a great trip, and even the cloth diapers weren't too challenging. Finneas loves Popeye and Sus and had as much fun as a 5 week old can have. Every burp, fart, gurgle, wink, toe wiggle and dirty diaper was met with compliments and kisses. He played the role of a tiny king. We even put his throne, the bouncy chair, on the kitchen table so he could survey his secondary empire, his first being home, upon waking from naps.

Something funny - the hospital made a slight blunder of Finneas' birth certificate and social security card. Legally our son is Finneas Fudolf Kestler. FUDOLF! Who would ever utilize this odd non-word of a name - Fudolf? And my Grandmother says the same of Rudolf, "poor child, with a middle name like that." But Fudolf is much worse. I'm sure Grandma would agree. Please don't worry, we are getting that "F" replaced with a respectable "R," so that when we say our son's name we don't sound like the Sicilian in Princess Bride. Never mess with a Finneas Fudolf!

And no, we are not getting much sleep. But, yes, we are loving every minute of it! Everyone's been asking.

4 Weeks: Nay Binky, Nay!

2009-11-24T14:04:00.000-08:00

Four weeks have gone by fast! Adam is back to work full time now and Finneas and I have been very lazy, but very fun. We don't do that much, mostly talk in monosyllabic nonsense and cuddle. He's smiling more and even making the first efforts at what we think might be a laugh - or at least a genuine giggle. Cloth diapers are still easy, and I believe they contain and leak in the same circumstances that disposables would. For all you doubters out there - I don't see what the big deal is, really. We're still trying to figure our sleeping 'tactics' out. Okay, so we really don't have any for Finneas yet. Some sources that I've read suggest not implementing any routine for the first three months and other's recommend putting baby on a sleep schedule pronto. Considering life with a newborn is like waking up to a different baby everyday - I think, at least for Finneas, we are going to see if he settles into any habits on his own before we try to regiment his sleeping. Sleep conditioning just seems impossible at this point. We are also considering the use of a pacifier to settle him down at night. So I put one in his moth today, just to see what he would do. He gave me the stink eye and then, with a giant sigh he opened his mouth relegating the binky to the carpet floor with a few drops of disapproving drool. Busted.

Being a mom is awesome, I highly encourage more of my friends to procreate. Finneas needs some friends:) Anyway, we will be visiting Grandpa Popeye and Grandma Sus in the San Juans this weekend for Thanksgiving. This will be our fist trip with Finn. Wish us luck!!!

Week 3: One Handed Typing

2009-11-16T12:56:00.000-08:00

Birth Story

Wow. I can't believe how fast the time is passing. Finneas is one day past three weeks old today and Adam had his first day back at work (just part-time this week). Finneas is doing very well, except for the hematoma on his head which isn't going away and may even be calcifying - this means it could be there for a while. But he's healthy and very happy, so the bump isn't so worrisome. He's much more alert now and seems to be a nocturnal child - if not crepuscular, taking those moments of dusk and dawn to send us into rolling laughter. He often takes some coaxing to go to sleep, and navigates the course of slumber like a cat battles a closed door in his own home - with much dismay. He's still waking up sporadically every 1-3 hours and will nurse every hour for a few hours straight when he's extra hunrgy(?) or needs comfort(?). I enjoy the bonding time with him, but as with every new mom, I could use a little bit more sleep. I love that Finn is already a smily boy and that he seems very tactile. I like to watch his hands and the look on his face when they discover a new movement or a new texture. Sometimes his fingers move and they remind me of a sculptor or his papa playing the guitar, maybe me playing the piano. He will do great things with those hands. He's also lifting his head more and able to turn it from one side to the other during tummy time. As all parents must say, my child is very advanced.

We haven't spent a moment apart and at this point it's hard to imagine being separated from him when I go back to work in January. Thankfully, Adam and I are determined to make our lives work so that I will only work a couple of days a week, and on those days Adam will be home. Adam is an amazing father and I am so happy that we're able to split home-time with Finneas, especially in lieu of the other childcare options.

So what have we been doing on our first day duetting? We've listened to old French music, read Roethke and Pound poems, and while he sleeps, I prepare a little bit of dinner for later and do laundry. It's been a very peaceful day. I keep thinking that I couldn't love anymore than I already do, but every day that passes I fall in love with Finneas a little more and my husband too, a little more - they are both so satisfying. Every moment just seems full - the optimum manifest, like a woman at the peak of her beauty or the like the final notes of a Tchaikovsky crescendo, like walking into an old growth forest at it's ancient and regal prime and feeling small in comparison to the tasks of nature. This is how I feel - humbled and yet overwhelmed with a warm joy. I can't say that I haven't had a few hormonal crashes, or teary moments at 3 am when I'm trying to nurse my baby to sleep with one eye open, nodding off to hit my head against the wall behind me and I can't remember if I've changed his diaper or not. I can't recall sleeping at all and yet wakefulness is like a dream at this point and it just seems like too much - for about two seconds - and then I realize how awesome the whole experience is and know that someday, I will get that full night's sleep. Someday.

Papa's Smooch

2009-11-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

Finneas had his two week check up, and what a chunk - he's up to 9 pounds and 6 ounces. Whoa! We love every pudge, I mean, inch of him!

Happy Fall from Finneas

2009-11-05T07:21:00.001-08:00

Just a little sweet. Right? Believe it or not, everything about our Finneas is sweet. So far he rarely cries unless we miss his hunger cues or with exception to diaper changes. I swear this child would rather wear a wet diaper than go through the changing process for a fresh one. And by the way you skeptics - cloth diapers are easy (so far). There's a little extra work involved but nothing too strenuous or difficult at this point. The only concern I have is that he might not fit into his newborn diapers much longer. We sometimes refer to our son as Hungry Mungry after Shel Silverstein's poem about a boy who is so hungry he eats the entire universe. When I was pregnant Adam and I would read this poem to him, little did we know what would manifest of that! He's becoming quite the cute little chunk. He wakes every two hours, with exactness, for a meal, which he gulps and savors like a chef dining on a delicacy crafted by his favorite culinary paragon.

Many people have been asking how we are adjusting, how I'm feeling, how Adam's doing, if we need anything....

Adam and I are both very tired. It seems to have just hit both of us over the past two days. However, we are both doing well. I'm finally starting to feel like I can walk a mile here and there and if it hadn't been for the vacuum extraction and subsequent pain I think I could have skipped out of the hospital, baby in arms, moments after Finneas's birth. That's how great I have felt otherwise! While being a mom can be exhausting it also is energizing and exciting. Every moment is an epic discovery and the joy certainly trumps the fatigue. However, that doesn't mean that Adam and I won't take dinner if offered or any other offers for help:) So be forewarned, if you call and say "do you guys need anything?" we just may say yes. Rowe, Adam's mom just flew back to chilly South Dakota so we are down one pair of helping hands. In a week and a half Adam will be back at work, and I think we are both a little sad about that. Finneas is doing great. His jaundice is just about cleared up and he's been off the phototherapy bed for several days now. We are savoring every minute with him, and the minutes are going fast. He's 11 days old already! I can't believe it. It just seems like one long day since he was born. The concept of day and night are, I suppose, no longer. We are now on the Finneas Continuum - it' s quite the adventure!

Week 1

2009-11-02T18:32:00.000-08:00

Here are some quick pics from Finneas's first week and a half in the outer world. We are tired, tired, tired, but loving every moment of it.

Stoney meets Finneas

Sleeping

Pink Uma plays with Finn's giant feet

9 days old - first walk through the arboretum

Grasp reflex meets nose

Our Harvest: Finneas Rudolf Kestler

2009-10-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

Finneas Rudolf Kestler

Oct 25 2009

7:26am

8.5 lbs

21"

Early Saturday morning around 1 am, after going to bed just past midnight I woke up with the most interesting backache. We had friends over for food and games that night, and Adam insisted that I go to bed right away when they left. I asked him why and he stated that I would be going into labor tomorrow, as if this was something that everyone knew. I just looked at him the way a woman looks at a naïve child who is too old to be dreaming of Santa, and said that that was wishful thinking but there weren’t any signs of imminent labor; sorry Charlie. But then, a half an hour later there was this pain, and it wasn’t the kind of back pain relieved by stretching or changing positions, instead it wrapped around my lower back with the kind of pressure that made me think a giant was trying to clamp me to a work bench with a steel vice. Then I thought, perhaps labor is around the corner. At 2:30 I was having mild and irregular cramping, which I had been experiencing for weeks at this point. Three hours later, after having some other signs, which I won’t go into…and not even having to time a contraction, I hopped into bed with a smile. Adam turned to me and asked if everything was fine, I think I said something like, “everything is great. Oh, and I’m in early labor.” I tried to sleep a little more but the cramps were getting stronger. So at 7:30 we took a shower and by 9:30 I was in the rocking chair trying to relax and rest per advice from my doula Anna. By late afternoon, I was using breathing techniques and had to get into the shower to manage some light pain again, then tried to go to bed to sleep between contractions.

I had been under the impression that early labor wasn’t painful. I kept telling myself this shouldn’t hurt so bad. My contractions were still far apart and irregular, and despite that labor is normally signaled by contractions that are patterned, get longer, stronger and closer together mine were on their own timeline, sometimes coming 2-3 times in a row before getting a break. Adam and I had envisioned early labor as a time for walking and baking a birthday cake, a time for distracting activities and based on this vision, he kept attempting to motivate me to get up and distract myself from the pain. I told him that I must have slept through those light contractions because I couldn’t be distracted at this point. My doula arrived in the early evening and she and Adam took turns massaging my feet, pushing fluids and pieces of power bars at me. Contractions were moving from 10min -7min apart. Then we tried a side lying position to speed things up a bit. The contractions were so painful that I wanted to cry. Anna moved me to the tub after that and told me I was still in early labor. It was 10:30 and I wined to her, “I thought early labor wasn’t supposed to hurt.” She honestly responded, “there are lucky women and then the unlucky ones, and you are one of the unlucky ones.” She suggested that my baby’s head was tilted in a weird position causing the horrible back pain I was experiencing and that my contractions were consistent with a back labor that was trying to reposition the baby. My sacrum was buldging where the baby’s head was descending. The pain was intense. Anna had lit candles in the bathroom and she and Adam took turns pouring warm water over my belly and helping me cope through the contractions. I was in there for hours. Then I had a contraction that radiated through my entire back and abdomen and sent me into deep whaling that I’m sure woke the neighbors, and later to find out even the neighbors in the triplex next door to us. I cried for the first time, I told them I couldn’t make it, that I wasn’t strong enough, that it was horrible. My jaw trembled but somehow I made it through the next few contractions, which came 3times in a row with a 5 minute break between each triple set. Anna whispered in my ear that I wouldn’t be able to relax through my contractions anymore, only between them. This made me feel better. I thought that my inability to relax was a sing of weakness, like I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was, and that labor shouldn’t hurt this bad. Hearing her say this was a queue to stop fighting the pain and start succumbing to it. That’s when I made my transition into some sort of primal state. Rowe, my mother-in-law who was there throughout, said I was like a bear of sorts.

Soon, I realized that the pressure in my back had descended downward and that I had an urge to push the baby out. The pain was blinding, all I could do was wale, moan and at the peak of each contraction expel guttural yells and wolf howls that came from tonal depths I was unaware that had ever existed inside of me. It felt good to finally let these noises out, and in sense loose a little bit of control. I rocked my hips and swayed, I grabbed whoever was near me and made them dance, squeezed their hands white and whispered to myself comforting mantras. When I told Anna the pain was at a 7 we left for the hospital. That was 2am – Oct 25^th. We assumed I was far along, nearing transition maybe even birth. I breathed in and out at the end of painful contractions, “almost over, almost over.”

Adam drove all the way to Swedish with the parking break on. Rowe sat in the back seat helping me through my contractions, Anna followed in her car and my mom was on her way. The walk from the parking lot to labor & delivery was an epic journey. Every minute or two was marked by another contraction, each one competing with the pain of the last, each one producing a little bit more of an urge to bear down. At one point, maybe in the elevator, I can’t remember, I made an announcement that I would like to push the baby out. Now. We made it to triage, where I had to lay down – which made the contractions more intense and was examined – only 3cm. Only 3cm but our baby was very low. That meant 7 more centimeters to go until pushing was even a possibility. I can’t really explain what it feels like to have to breath through contractions when you have the urge to bear down. It felt unnatural and impossible. I was about to give up and once again was unable to cope through a very strong contraction where I screamed, cried and announced that this had to stop. I looked at Adam and asked him not to make me do this, to make the pain stop. I knew that in ‘normal’ births most people dilate around one centimeter an hour, plus 2-3 hours of pushing once a woman reaches 10cm. I was able to do the math between contractions and asked myself if I could live through 7 more hours of labor. I decided I couldn’t but for some reason, I knew they had to be wrong. I kept asking, “are you sure?” In my head I legitimized bearing down by thinking that maybe some women did not need to reach 10cm to deliver their baby. I told myself whatever I needed to hear. We went into the labor and delivery suite. I had been at the hospital now for almost an hour. My mother sat watching me, not knowing what to do, seeing me in pain and like an animal must have been shocking for her. After a few contractions in the rocking chair, I told everyone that I was going to push the baby out. Anna laughed a little, and asked that I be checked again. My doctor who was thankfully on shift did the honors – 5 cm. I muttered a “yes, yes, thank you, thank you” and new that I would be able to do this. By 4am I was at 7 cm. I was dilating twice as fast as expected. They drained the Jacuzzi tub, the nurse told me “we don’t do water births here.” And when I had to use the bathroom, they rushed me off the toilette, as that wouldn’t be the most elegant way to enter the world. As I dilated further my contractions became closer together and stacked one on top of the other. The urge to push grew so strong that I uncontrollably would squat or raise my legs. When asked to stop pushing and to breath through it I would pound against the wall or bed with my fist along with each moan and breath. The baby’s heart wasn’t responding the way they like, it was as if the baby was sleeping. Something worried me and I knew that this child had to be born soon.

An overwhelming pain swept over my entire body, I shook the bed, howled and wailed and my head arched back. They check me again - 9cm. And hour later I told them I had to push, “I’m pushing” I said, “I’m sorry, I can’t stop.” My body, without my control, threw my legs up and bared down. Anna whispered in my ear, not to feel bad if I couldn’t help it, it was okay to push now. The doctor checked me – Anna was right - 10cm. It was bout 6:30 in the morning. I flipped on my back, Adam and Anna supported my legs, my mother held an oxygen mask for me and helped me remove my gown. I was too hot. Normally during pushing, contractions slow down giving the baby time to recuperate between each stressful moment. Mine, however, sped up and were still coming in multiples, which meant I was on track to push my baby out fast. This made the doctor a little nervous and she was still telling me not to push, or to at least wait for the peak of my contractions; this was like trying to shackle nature. I tried, but my body was acting without consent. My doctor decided that a she needed to act fast and used the vacuum extractor to get my baby out fast. The first attempt failed, the doctor said she was only giving me one more push and that was it. We assume she was insinuating a cesarean delivery and Anna whispered in my ear, "you need to push harder that you think possible. When you think you’ve pushed your hardest keep going.” I’ve never done anything so difficult as to push my baby out of my body, who emerged like a slippery grey seal. I looked down as he was exiting his internal nest and entering the bright and noisy environment of the outer world. He let out the sweetest cries. A flood of fluid and meconium followed him and he was wisked over the warming table for suctioning. Adam looked at me with his excited eyes, and told me we had a baby boy. “Finneas” I said. He held my gaze for a moment. I melted. I wanted to hold him so much it made me want to cry, but I knew he needed a little extra care. I focused on him with such intensity that I barely noticed birthing my placenta and the stitches that followed. Although, I made Adam and my mother laugh when I dropped the F word as she stitched my wounds – it was the first swear word I had uttered over the entire process. Finally, Finneas was handed to me swaddled and immediately ready to eat. Our families left us alone, as a family, for an hour or so, so we could devour all the new sensations. Softer than a peach. Sweet like fresh nasturtium nectar, and lavender honey. Eyes like a sea storm. Seashell ears. Hair of a baby raven and immediately loved.

We have spent the past five days on an entirely different scale of time. Showers are a novelty as are meals and sleep. But I’ve found that all I want to do is hold, kiss and shower Finneas with affection. His little smiles and yoda faces launch in me the most pleasant adrenaline. Right now I’m staring at him, in his little phototherapy bed as he sleeps. He has jaundice and needs to spend a couple days lying mostly on, what looks like a tanning bed for babies. The vacuum delivery left him with a hemotoma on his head and subsequent jaundice. Besides that, he is one healthy and very happy baby. I am thrilled that I was able to birth him without using any medications. Even though the process hurt beyond any concept of pain one could be familiar with outside of labor – there is only one way to know the feeling and that is to experience it, and it is beyond pain, I would do it again just the same. It is an entire body experience and marathon of mental strength right down to each cell. Yet, as soon as it was over the memory of that intense and raw feeling was no longer there. Finneas simply supplanted all negative feelings about labor with his beautiful presence. I have to say that without Adam and my doula I might have faltered on several occasions over that 26 hour period. People have asked if I wanted that epidural at all, and yes, there were a few times where I contemplated it. I knew that I would regret it if I didn’t follow through though, and I was deeply afraid of failing myself- oh and that rather large needle they stick in your spine. I loved my labor and birth. It was an amazing experiment of enduring.

Late Harvest: 40 Wks +

2009-10-21T17:13:00.001-07:00

Still no baby. However a slow to emerge labor means time for a few last minute dates. These pics were taken after an awesome dinner at Senor Moose in Ballard. Delicious. The server told me that all of the pregnant women who had eaten there with in the last month had delivered within 24 hrs. I was hoping this was my destiny as well - no such luck! Then I bought a pineapple based on the recommendation from a friend at Franks that said Pineapple had labor inducing properties. I'm still awaiting the results! In the meantime, I've been hanging out with family and friends, baking, baking, baking.... and reorganizing the freezer.

A Ceremonious Belly Bumpathon!

Traditional disco-robot dancing to bring on labor: results still pending

Aw.

Maternity Leave = Baby Crafts

2009-10-16T17:28:00.000-07:00

Sorry folks, no baby yet. But hey, take a look at my amateur crafting skills.

Baby Cube

Bitty Booties

Baby Leg Warmers

Waiting For A Baby

2009-10-12T16:57:00.001-07:00

This is what waiting for a baby looks like. Actually it looks a lot more antsy than this and the red boots, why they are certainly much more colorful than maternity leave is. Thank goodness for my friends and family who kept me busy and extroverted this weekend! My mom came over for breakfast and multiple pots of coffee on Saturday, which was followed by dinner at Budda Ruska (yum!) with a couple of friends (Thanks Nate!!! Sorry we wiped the floor with your face Trivial Pursuit style...:) and then to the Arboretum with Adam and my good friend Anna on Sunday. It was beautiful there and so much fun (thanks Anna!) Walking a few miles through the trees did me good and provided an excuse for ice cream later that evening. For some reason, I thought I would have Geronimo in my arms before I would be wearing scarves and sweaters this year, before autumn painted the Arboretum and before all the birds ate the last blackberries outside my window. Hundreds of little songbirds are descending upon them right now, tweeting about their lush bounty and still no baby. Sorry folks, I know you are almost as anxious as I am! We will get the word out as soon as labor starts (soon, soon, soon I hope!)

However, thankfully not having a baby yet means that I grew, my amnio fluid is normal and Geronimo and I have been left to Nature's timing for our meeting to come - everything is perfect! I'm glad that induction is no longer looming over my head, but at the same time the anticipation of meeting our baby is consuming me. I am too excited. I can't even sleep, even between rapid-fire bathroom trips... one after the other, after the other. Well, it's time to pass more time putting away dishes, cooking dinner, sewing, seeing friends, and watching lots of movies (thanks Josh and Sarah - we raided your collection last time we fed Buster and Lucile...your birds will be speaking French and sitting on shoulders by the time you get home:) I also bought some chunky yarn to make a sleep sack for our little baby with giant #19 needles. I've never knitted with these clunkers before and I can't wait to post pictures of how all my little projects turn out, including the best little project of all - our baby!

The Maternity Weave

2009-10-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

This is my belly, filled with a 6.8-7lb-ish beautiful babe. Wow, I've never shown so much skin! And I certainly don't feel as big as I look. Now that I'm not even working, I'm not that uncomfortable, despite how much more weight (21 lbs!!) I am carrying. I'm even about to commit to a physically awkward, but highly rewarding hour of prenatal yoga! Tomorrow we have another OB appointment where my cervix will be checked, and my fundal height measured (from pubic symphasis to top of uterus). Hopefully, I've grown. During the last appointment I was told that if I stop growing it may mean the amniotic fluid is a little low. It's probably not, and I will be happy to hear that everything is normal. Pregnancy is the only time in life where everything normal and expected has meant fun and happiness - a boring pregnancy is a fantastic (and healthy) pregnancy! If the fluid is a little low, it may mean drinking tons of water, or that our little one is ready, or that an induction might be necessary. Developmentally, the baby can emerge as a healthy and normal baby at anytime (after 37wks and we are at 38wks). Birth, while being a monumental occasion, is a relatively unimportant event when looking at the overall maturation of a baby. I know that sounds almost like a slight. But, what I mean is that there is really nothing that is going to develop in the next couple of days or weeks that can't either happen inside the uterus or outside - the baby is simply putting on fat and growing hair. However, sometimes things happen and it's better to get the baby out before labor initiates on its own. This what I am hoping to avoid. A naturally progressing labor is most desirable and will always be smoother than an artificially induced labor. Science has lent techniques to speed up the process of production in plants too, but it is usually a more intensive and invasive process. This is the same with our bodies. If left to labor naturally, most women, most of the time will have a complication free delivery. If you provide a basil plant with sufficient water and sun, it will produce harvestable leaves and buds on its own . When one tries to speed up the process, which is necessary at times, there is an entire chain of events that occur often leading to cesarian delivery. If you try to speed up the process in plants they can bolt - grow too tall, too fast before becoming strong enough to support their height. A woman's body is on an individual clock, where the necessary preparations are taking place to warm up, strengthen and prepare her for the task of labor ahead. When induced, the contractions are often much stronger and longer and closer together than they would be naturally - most often a woman's body is not equipped to handle the extra pain and the baby is not mature enough to handle the extra stress of the more intense contractions and that is why cesarian often occurs (often, but not always.) The baby's health is most important to me, just like a farmer's harvest is the culminate priority. She will rush into a mad storm to protect the crop with covers, heard the goats into her warm house in the midst of a flood, wrap her young plants in plastic coats to keep them from the bugs and dear and carefully and lovingly feel thanks for each plum, tomato, grape or orange that made it through the toughest conditions to nourish and support her family and friends. Anyway, I am excited/nervous for tomorrow's appointment, and hopefully the reassurance that accompanies it.

So, let me tell you why nesting is wonderful:

Home-made Banana Bread, and other creations!

I've also cleaned my walls and doors, vacuumed my stairs and rearranged the hall closet and the baby closet (again). Perhaps I am not nesting, maybe this is just me when I'm not working. If so, then what will real nesting be like? Oh my, I will be like a domestic android - I will fold laundry pacing a hummingbird's wing flutter and maintain a consistently distant expression which suggests I'm computing quantum theories in my head, yet still produce a nice and unflinching smile. My husband will think he's been thrown into a sci-fi horror, a body snatchers moment, until he realizes the potential benefits and then settles in and begins to milk it.

Okay, and now for the confession of a farmer:

Here is my confession of vanity: I will miss maternity hair. It is so thick and healthy and when the baby comes it will fall out, mirroring all those fall hardwood trees emblematic of seasonal change. I can sympathize. I mean, it must be nice to have a lovely bouquet of colorful leaves, but then, one chilly day and they blow to the roadside and rot. Nature is unfair. At least I get a baby, I'm not sure what the trees get, and men, poor men, when their hair falls out they are just left wondering what to do with the stragglers. Ah, I will miss thy maternal main. I'm not really accustomed to caring about my hair or appearances too much. I'm a 'farmer' for goodness sakes! I will sometimes wear makeup at work, since being on maternity leave I haven't really gone to the trouble, and I have no concept of styling my hair, or often times, even matching my clothes. I am a mostly comfortable person who has a few stylish moments here and there. So I feel a slight guilt for knowing that I will be sad to pull my hair out of drains and obsessively use the lint roller once more. There is my confession - I blame having made one on the residuum of my Irish Catholic heritage.

Pumpkin Harvest Approaches

2009-09-22T16:21:00.000-07:00

Alright, so my EDD (estimated due date) is exactly

19 days or

456 hours or

27360 minutes

away. And I'm huge.

'Things,' are starting to happen: crampiness, effacement (50-75%), and the baby has dropped to a bladder squashing lowness...all good things that say I should have this baby out before my doctor would have to induce (which is done at 42 wks, I'm almost 38), yay! These are also normal signs that labor could stll be weeks away. I wouldn't mind, however, if baby came, let's say, today perhaps, or very soon. Did you hear that Freja Finneas Geronimo Kestler, my love! Discomforts swooped in once Baby dropped and pregnancy has been different ever since. My smug and happy self has turned into a waddle prone grunter. On the bright side, look at these cute baby shoes. I have organized, re-organzied, folded, pre-washed and arranged Baby's belongings so many times in these drawers. Now, of course it seems silly to have one drawer for two pairs of shoes that measure less than 4 cubic inches, but at the time it made perfect sense.

I have also rearranged the garage and set up a crafty work space there, with cuckoo clocks hanging from the nail boards, dried status and mums on a side table, my sewing desk on a bamboo mat, a globe and a few favorite books around. I've covered all the storage items with wall hangings and sheets from India and tucked fabrics, handmade papers, needles, thread, glues, odd buttons, anything with possibility away for future creative inspiration. I doubt I will make it down there too often, baby coming and all, but it is nice to have a space of my own, and just having it there may temper the 'only child' in me. Also, I think this means I've been nesting - another sign labor is coming! Yippy!

Also, a huge thank you to ALL the many people who have made everything come together for us. Just weeks ago we felt so unprepared and now, after three baby showers, some hand-me-downs, the experienced advice we've received, and all the love and support - we feel as ready as we can be! I've resigned that readiness is actually realizing that we will never be ready- but like I said, Baby Kestler has all the essentials and so much more. Thank you! We could have never afforded or realized all that we would need! You have done so much!

Many months ago, I set a date for my maternity leave - Sept. 30th. At the beginning of September I nearly crawled back to my bosses to ask them for an extension. I was feeling great. I asked myself, what else could I possibly do with my time? Now, there are some people who are great at filling in their schedules with interesting things to do, but not me. I like to have things I am obligated to do - work, school, meetings - events that are scheduled for me. I have no idea why I am like this, and I wish I wasn't. Since I was 17 I haven't not worked unless traveling. Besides a few short vacations, India was my last experience where I could wake up every morning to free-form days that unraveled with spontaneity. I remember then, also feeling challenged at trying to pick what to do, see, and taste first and being thankful that I had Adam to wander freely with - there is comfort in wandering when you are not drifting alone. So I'm trying to harness that uninhibited mentality once more, to make the best of this leave that I will never have again- this time which seems beyond an 'in between stage' but more like the early movements of a polar shift. This time, between work and parenthood, is much different though. When I was traveling the adventure was everyday and it was the everyday process of traveling that produced constant anticipation for the next moment to fruit in the midst of chaos. Right now all of my anticipation is focused on meeting our baby. I cannot wait any longer. Impatience, more than discomfort is fueling the strongest desire to meet this sweet being who has been living inside me for so long now. So maternity leave seems more like a waiting room than an adventure - this I must change or else it will seem like purgatory until the baby is born. On that note, my doors are wide open as is my schedule - let's make the most of it friends!

The Sleepless Season

2009-09-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

The first trimester of a pregnancy is surreal. The second is certainly the best few months of life in general, and the third, well the third is the season of the back lying turtle(me trying to get out of bed at night...), the season of sleep deprivation, excitement and odd hormonal cheekiness. I have exchanged proper communication with slanted glances, exuberant energy with the inability to catch up on sleep, and a normal belly with one, as Adam points out, the size of a fall pumpkin. We are in week 34 now, surpassing a 33 wk milestone - when babies can be born with relatively few problems despite some inevitable NICU care. Despite what I will say in this post, the third trimester has been sweet to me. We are taking birthing classes, nesting and I am the beneficiary of many back rubs (thanks my love!) My perception of third trimester inconveniences are that they are simply necessary considering they are priming me for the lack of sleep to come (here's to self convincing!) I am trying to relish this biological training regimen, which has now included the environmental factor of the felis catus, old man Stoney. Our 17 year old cat has been overwhelmed with a series of health issues that are causing him to feel sick throughout the day, and mostly at night. Poor guy! So this is how my evening goes: At 10:30 or eleven I go to bed. At one in the morning I wake up with an achey back and slowly, rotisserie to my opposite side. At two, I use the bathroom, sometimes startling Adam who claims to see my appendages flailing about in the air like a evening spook as I try to maneuver out of bed. At three, Adam and I awake to Stoney vomiting between us on our bed. We clean the sheets, lay down towels, give him a couple soothing puffs of an inhaler fitted with a nose/mouth attachment for cats and go to sleep. 3:30 - I rotate. 4:00 - squirm from shell to feet, use bathroom. 5:30 again. 6:00 alarm. Ah drats! Also, braxton-hicks contractions often wake pregnant ladies in their third trimester as does hip and pelvic discomfort, leg cramps, thirst, heartburn, baby kicks to the ribs... None of these dicsomforts are horrible or intolerable, and all are completely worth the end result! It's just a little hard to fully function at work the next day....The best part about evening interruptions, with exception of a cat, is that this is truly how a woman's body prepares her for the irregular clockwork of motherhood. Babies in their first months spend most of their sleep in REM mode, sleeping deeply often parallels further developments occuring around 6 months or so. This is exactly how a pregnant woman sleeps - light, in REM and waking every few hours. The vivid dreams that are often associated with being pregnant stem from this kind of sleeping pattern. Waking often means you forget less.

As our pregnancy progresses I have been asked many questions regarding maternity leave and when our due date is. I will be working through September and perhaps the first week of October. Which will put me at the beginning of week 38. Some people seem to think this is normal and others feel I am cutting it a little close, mostly because my job is physically demanding compared to what many other people do. I really don't mind working right now, I'm getting exercise, which is fantastic and my colleagues and staff are wonderful about compensating for my growing inabilities. I might, however, be crowding them behind the counter with my pumpkin belly, yet they're sweet about that too, pretending they bumped into me, or that they're the clumsy ones. But really- I think it is quite obvious who the culprit is - Geronimo!

A generation ago doctors used to date pregnancy from the moment of fertilization which meant a 38 week term. Today doctors calculate week one based upon when the egg leaves the ovary resulting in a 40 week term. It takes on average, about two weeks (14-16 days) for an egg to be released and result in a menstrual cycle OR as in my case a missed period - this is where the difference comes from. 40 weeks gestational is about 38 weeks fertilization. With either of these methods there is no real way to determine exactly when a baby will be born. Even with ultrasounds, a doctor or sonographer cannot accurately determine an exact due date because of varying growth rates from baby to baby and varying menstrual cycles from woman to woman. Only 5% of babies are born on their EDD (estimated due date). Most first time moms deliver an average of 8 days after their EDD and it is normal to give birth between Wk 38 (even though 37 is considered full term) and Wk 42. After 42Wks most providers will induce labor with a synthetic form of Oxytocin called Pitocin. I believe our due date, Oct 20, is a slightly late estimation. If this is our real due date, we would have tested positive just a couple of days after conception - impossible! This would be similar to expecting a pea to sprout three days after you sew a seed. The HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) hormone that home pregnancy tests are engineered to detect takes 6-12 days to reach a registrable level. I would have needed to be a least a few more days into the pregnancy for a test to pick up on these hormones. Adam and I predict the birthday to occur around the 12th-15th. If anyone wants to take a guess at when Geronimo's debut will be, there is a lucrative opportunity at my work, where you can bet money on a date, $5 a square (day) - winner takes all!

Below are some photos from the nursery which is fairly complete! Thanks to Mom for the crib, and Craigslist for the changing table, dresser and gliding chair! We decided not to paint the walls because we don't know how long we will be living in our apartment. Who knows, we could win the mega millions, buy a house and take up golf and a nasty cigar habit. We are planning to decorate the walls with extravagant amounts of color- any ideas on kid friendly decor - pass them my way! So far I've made an owl picture from handmade paper (also pictured below) and am working on some origami butterflies to hang on the walls or to fashion into a mobile...

And here is a least flattering picture of myself showing off the belly in my gym clothes. Yes - there's five pound baby in there! No, I'm not having twins! If one more person asks if I've made sure with my doctor that I'm not carrying double, or says I've gotten huge, or that I'm carrying the weight in my face (this is what people say to me.... really) I'm going to...well...not much, I'm really most likely to cry and wine and such than stick it to you. Short torsos = big belly folks, and apparently I'm due for some serious growth in the next few weeks. And yes - i'm starting to waddle, and I grunt when I have to bend over.

We are getting very excited as this baby nears external fruition - I appreciate all the unknowns, I like knowing that everything is about to change, but how it will feel and manifest remains such a mystery!

Naming the Human Hybrid

2009-08-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

We are now deep into the season, at 30 weeks. Only 8 - 12 more to go until our tiny harvest enters the world as a unique individual. You can see in the pictures below that we are growing fast. Baby is now gaining a half pound a week, and I, nearly an entire pound a week. By the end of the month I could take Adam in the Heavy Weight. The impact of such growth manifests as having to pace the blue-hairs at the gym and finding new positions that make shoe-tying possible.

We just got our crib! Yippy! And are crafting and sale searching to outfit the rest of the nursery. We've hired a doula, and for an explanation of what a doula does and is, I've quoted DONA (Doulas of North America) below:

"A birth doula is a person trained and experienced in childbirth who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after childbirth...The word “doula” comes from ancient Greek, meaning “Woman’s servant.” Throughout history and in much of the world today, a cadre of women support a woman through labor and birth, giving back rubs and providing continuous emotional support. Like their historical counterparts, DONA International birth doulas know how to help a woman in labor feel better. However, today’s doulas are much more diverse than their predecessors. DONA International membership includes men and women from a wide range of ages and cultural backgrounds."

Adam and I are very exited to incorporate our Doula, Anna, into our birthing team! Also, we are starting to narrow down our list of names, which you can vote on at your right. For a baby girl, I'm leaning towards Freja...which can be spelled Freya, Freja, or Freyja (the traditional spelling) I love the name Frejya Linnae Kestler for a girl. Freyja is a name pulled from a beloved goddess of the Norse/Germanic pre-Christian pantheon. For a boy we really like Finneas Neruda or Finneas Rudolph Kestler...these may change a million times. My mother is not a fan of any of our chosen names, so I am guessing she will come up with a meaningful nickname or just stick with Geronimo, as many of our friends and family will regardless of what goes on the certificate, which we like. Geronimo is a terrific nickname! The name Finneas is not inspired by old literary or mythological characters that have entertained me in my reading. We actually came across it in a name book. After some research we decided that spelling the name with an 'F' instead of a 'Ph' would be more fortuitous than foreboding. The one famous Phineas - Phineas Gage, gained notoriety through a debilitating 19th century railroad injury in which an iron rod pierced entirely through his head ravaging his frontal lobes and resulting in radical personality changes. This event landed Mr. Gage at the apex of neuropsychological stardom. This is not to say Phineas was unlucky, surviving such an accident suggests otherwise. It's simply not the image I want to follow our baby boy if we name him so, and what a great name Finneas- with an F, is! Pascal has won more of me than it has Adam. I love that the name is part romantic and part triangle - much like Adam and I, part science, part literature, poetry....it's a meaningful name without a gory history. It is hard to name a child. It is much different, I imagine, than an astronomer stumbling across a distant and unknown star that begs from him a name, or naming a newly patented gadget or a new species of house cat. These are indexable names. Being a farmer, I can, kind of, liken this to grafting the herbaceous stems of two distinct herbs or the woody trunks of two unrelated trees to make a unique flora: Limequat, Tangelo, Loganberry, Peppermint... but often times the best name is hard to conjure until the hybrid has actually bloomed, or has been smelled and tasted. If we followed biological protocall our Baby would certainly be named Asdam Anneremy Hawinler.

Well, the baby is boxing the uterine gymboree and dinner is calling to both of us leading this post to an end. Much love to you all!

The Agronomy Of Baby

2009-07-21T16:57:00.001-07:00

Here's a little photo update. It seems that as Baby is nearing her harvest, there is so much to be done and so little time for lengthy blog entries. This weekend we gathered some practical nursery items, like a stuffed hippopotamus. Our awesome cloth diapers are still arriving, and right now I'm pre-washing them so they are nice and fluffy for when that cute and oh so active patooshie arrives. Adam and I went over a few folding techniques, and of course, Adam wanted to practice. He found his first stuffed animal- Snoopy, that was until this morning, nearly decapitated less a few still bound stitches which I reinforced today. Snoopy spent the latter part of the day in various styles of diapers and flashy covers and actually we decided that snoopy should model some of our other gifts and purchases as well. This gave us the opportunity to learn how to swaddle, how to wear our baby carrier, and what it's like to button and unbotton all of those tiny buttons on a baby's clothes. As far as pregnancy goes - I'm getting bigger by the minute. We had planned a camping trip for this past weekend- it was supposed to be the last hurrah before I get too uncomfortable. Yet I found that even with a decent thermarest and a couple of pillows that the belly is too big, the tent is too small and the mosquitos were too many. We were home after one night, though we still had a great long weekend prepping for Geronimo. You may ask, why so many pic's of that stupid stuffed dog? Well, stuffed animals are much cuter than a mosquito bitten, discomforted, post camp out pregnant lady. Here are some photos!

Snoopy is wearing a pre-fold cotton diaper, with a violet Thirsties cover, and warmed by a Patagonia fleece.

My first swaddle.

This was Uma Rowe's gift to the baby. Actually, the caterpillar was a pre conception gift. Truth: Adam and I hung that little toy above our bed for good luck, figuring some of Rowe's secret powers would provide. Sure enough....

Ok folks- this is an Ergo baby carrier, it puts the weight on the hips where the ladies carry it best. Snoopy didn't fit quite right in it, but he did model this car sear rather well.

A Graco infant car seat. It took us about a week to pick one of these out.

After Stoney, it was back to Snoopy. He was a less than cooperative cat.

And that's how it's done friends! Also, here's is an interesting article from GeekDad on some revelations regarding Cloth Diapering. http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2009/07/cloth-diapering-goes-high-tech/#more-14474

I highly recommend trying out all of your baby equipment before the baby actually arrives. It was quite the learning experience. Okay, yes, yes, it was just a silly time waster.

This is my view- if I lean over, way over.

Preparing to Harvest

2009-07-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

The end of week 26 and the beginning of week 27 commences the third trimester – the last third of our growing season. We have approximately 14 weeks until harvest, give or take two weeks sans complications. Strange enough, I’ve become so accustomed to our little squirmbug kicking and turning, rolling and hiccuping within this abdominal hill of mine, that it is hard to imagine not having a baby growing inside of me. Although we are preparing day and night for our child to manifest – un-entombed, an external harvest, I hardly feel ready. I did, however, spend the day ordering diapers, and for all those who’ve been asking, and surely it’s no surprise folks, Adam and I are going cloth. Okay, for all you experienced moms and dads out there – stop laughing. This crop deserves only the softest sponges to soak up that extra saturation. I know, apparently we are attempting the impossible! But I think, after doing weeks of diaper research, we are developing a good system and set up… and with a little dedication and some routine, I trust we will stick with it. Cloth diapering is not what is used to be. There is an enormous selection of diapers with there own conveniences, styles, fit, price and cut out there. There are as many kinds of cloth diapers as there are hybrid pansies and violets. We are starting out mostly with your standard pre-fold 100% cotton diapers – this is the archetype cloth square that our parent’s parent’s used - but softer. We’ve also ordered a few fancy diapers and some awesome Thirsties Covers. If your curious, check out some of my links and see what’s out there – just browsing the possibilities has inspired me and seeded in me quite the excitement about CDing.

DISCLAIMER: There is a huge debate over whether cloth diapering or using disposables is superior. This is similar to asking would you rather buy organic produce shipped all the way from Mexico, or local produce grown under the pesticidal fumery that allows many farms to be more cost effective. Which orange, the Floridian or the organic Mexican, is better for the environment, which one should be cheaper, which one tastes better? The Washington apple, or the ones that taste better out of season - from on our parallel but across the world. We baby farmers ask these same questions about diapers. One argument is fiscally minded and assumes that CD’ing is cheaper than using DD’s because of the re-use factor. This can easily be true if you stick to a modest budget. However, Cosco sells a pack of 233 diapers for about 50 dollars. That’s a good deal. And with fancy cloth diapers, laundry investments and refitting your baby when he/she grows, DD can become the cheaper option. With cloth diapers you have more flexibility over your spending ($250- hundreds to outfit a child from newborn to toddler). We will most likely spend less than if we were to use DD’s. The other argument is environmental. DD’s are hardly biodegradable. Here in Washington, somewhere between one to 2/3rds of our landfill waste is composed of DD’s. They take hundreds of years to decompose. The very pricey biodegradable ones take only 50-100yrs (seriously!!) and a newborn baby will go through 2,000-3,000 diapers in their first year. But as disturbing as that is, I have to scale both sides. Cloth diapers are a huge drain on resources. Yet similar to the necessity of growing food there is the absolute necessity of diapering your child. The amount of laundry that goes into each child is enormous even without estimating the cost and worth of water when adding CD’ing into the mix. Laundry every day - and that’s CD’ing for us home-washing farmers. Using a diaper service? Then add the environmental impact of carbon emissions. For me the debate is nearly null and without a clear winner, especially if you take the most expensive and consumer driven approach to CD'ing. If you don't, then I think there is something to be said about being thoughtful about where your ecological, environmental and social impacts lie and CD’ing offers a family more opportunity to be less wasteful and more accommodating to their environs and to the comfort needs of their child, which vary from babe to babe. If this were a grocery store, CDing would allow you to buy organic and local at the same time.

The other question people have been asking me, and also laughing at me for is whether or not I am choosing to labor and birth naturally or use drugs. I really believe that neither one of these methods is better nor worse, it is simply what is most meaningful to the mother that ends up the best method. For me, presence trumps pain – and I’m terrified of goliath needles being plunged into my spine. I’m planning an un-medicated birth – and planning it, really. Adam and I have been reading about the birthing process. “The Birth Partner,” by world-renowned doula and Seattleite, Penny Simkin has captivated both me and Adam. Besides researching and reading, we are trying to find a doula and will be taking birthing classes next month! I am so excited!

My belly is growing everyday. We love to just watch the baby punch and kick inside, creating wee fleshy tremors on my skin. Every jerk and wriggle is worth any discomfort that pregnancy has brought. I have yet been so achy that I can’t hike or make it to the gym a few times a week, with the exception being after any extra long days at work. Also, a little prenatal massage has been helping!!! I love getting massages, so much that I fell asleep with a creek of drool running off my lip during the last one. On the fourth, we went on a 7.5 mile hike (see photos), where I was applauded by passersby for being the token pregnant lady on the trail. Adam, exclaimed that he felt like chopped liver. Wait until the baby is born, we’ll both be lampshades. But despite our impending transition into parenthood, where people will only come visit us to see our child, we have more excitement than worry, more happiness than stress and more love for this unborn baby than we know what to do with. We are truly enjoying this pregnancy despite our lack of preparedness at the moment. I’ll assume that most parents feel slightly under prepared from the moment their child is born and onward. Right? Anyway, staying in shape and relaxed has really saved me mentally and physically during these months. I hope I can keep it up through August and September! Our baby is in his or her most active few weeks as uterine space becomes a premium. Baby weighs about two pounds and could now survive outside the womb if it became necessary. Right now, although the brain is functioning, it is transforming from smooth to a more wrinkled organ to mark its developmental achievements. Simultaneously, the rest of her body is carrying out the opposite transition - her wrinkles are being smoothed out by cute pudges of baby fat - I'd like to think I'm helping this process along nicely! Baby is losing her lanugo-lamb like fuzz and growing the hair she will be born with. She is also practicing breathing and swallowing and gaining a sense of gravity. Baby loves to listen to Clair De Lune via head phones that hug my bump and enjoys Shel Silverstein poems, especially the The Yippiyuck.

A Farmer Festivus and Photo shoot!

2009-06-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

We just finished week 21, which means we're in the sixth month and the harvest is coming along swimmingly. I am growing, really just my belly, at an exponential rate. Baby Kestler is also growing fast, speedily closing in on a an entire foot's length each week. Right now, Baby measures at about 7.5 inches and weighs almost a pound. Baby was at lease kind enough to take one of the eight pounds that I have, so far gained, for herself. It's hard to really describe what our baby must look like right now. His skin is covered in vernix and is very loose and wrinkled, and will stay that way until he gains more fat- which I am helping him do. In a few weeks Baby should look less like part of the 70+ crowd and more his (or her?) age. This may happen faster if I consume many more celebratory meals. For our anniversary (#3) we were suspiciously eyed by the server, as our table grew to host a meal fit for a wedding dinner, or a royal and gluttonous feast. It was delicious and Baby Kestler concurred with the forceful kicks of a well fed fetus. We, the baby and I, especially liked stealing bites off of Dad's "Deconstructed Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae" which was much more than a post marxist desert, it was oowey goowey good to the soul. However, two bites in and I got told, and had to travel my fork back to its' residing plate. This anniversary certainly had a special weight to it, and yes I am referring to my added baby gains. It's amazing to look back at where Adam and I started out and where we are going, all that has happened in the middle and all that the future has in store. Two years ago, when Adam brought up starting a family, I told him he'd be well into his forties before I would be ready. I wanted to teach English in Japan, travel back to India, jump into a master's program or go on a bigger adventure. I felt like I had to get life out of the way first. Yet, last August something I can't explain just turned on. I had one beer, threw my BC in the trash and told my love I was ready to give it a shot, knowing that adventures are in the everyday. Experiencing pregnancy with this new baby, and with Adam has so far confirmed that choice. I can honestly say, I love it. Sure siatica sucks, and the heart burn is burdensome, my sausage toes are antagonizing as is my waist line at times, but this is truly just as euphoric as sitting on top of Kalla Patar in the middle of the Himalayas with Adam, or turning corners to find lions in a tik jungle, and just as mentally stimulating as reading Spinoza's proofs. It is marvelous to the infinite degree to be the most important and depended upon person to one small and unique child, even one that is unborn at the moment. Now, I don't know if my baby is developing these kind of strong emotions for me and her pa yet. Probably not. She's probably focused more on her growing taste buds and questioning my culinary skill, rolling her eyes at my ability to eat raw carrots by the bushel. Or she might be more enthralled with her thumbs and ears more than her emotive side as her tactile senses become stronger. She most likely, has no idea that she is housed inside another human being and perhaps, like us, thinks we are all alone in the universe - wouldn't I love to know what our baby ponders!

So to explain these photos...Adam took a photo shoot of me, us, himself in an attempt to learn how to work my awesome camera. He is modeling my beach hat (for our trip to Florida - we leave tomorrow!!!) and sunglasses in one, and I believe, birthing a pillow in another. I had to buy new clothes finally. I'm part proud, and partly surprised that I was able to put maternity shopping on hold for so long. Too bad my reasoning was rather based upon my cheapness and inability to deal with the heat than my potential to fit into clothing nicely. Anyway, my new look for a pregnant summer is pictured above - minimal, breathable, light - all to deal with the elevated temperature that accompanies this process. Baby Farmers run one degree hotter than the rest, add in a toasty summer outset and you can be sure it feels like an eternal sauna. Well, we're relocating our harvest to the damp and warm tropics of Florida for an 11 day period of hyper photosynthetic growth, transference via momma's gonna lie on the beach a get a rad tan. We'll also be active in post harvest training with Wendy and her two tots. Assuming I survive the heat, I'll report back with updates, pictures and stories. Much love to you all!!!

Farmer's First Flutters are More Fantastic Than Foucault Feasting on Farfalle Fielded by Fireflies

2009-05-18T21:10:00.000-07:00

As a specialized farmer, I can liken Baby's first movements to a Monarch's wings fluttering on a June day, the rattle of a Himalayan Poppy's seed pod, and sometimes with a powerful kick from a foot the size of a guitar pick, a freshly popped corn kernel comes to mind. Right now, the movements occur mostly at night when I'm falling a sleep after a busy day of growing (me and the baby!). They are erratic, always a pleasure and seem to be increasing in frequency. Baby also seems more active when listening to music and shows a preference for Nino Rota and Rush. While this shows that the baby's musical delights will cover a spectrum so vast, like Doris Day to Marlilyn Manson, It was only plausible, that if anyone could penetrate the walls of a thickening uterus and an amniotic sac, it would be Geddy Lee.

We are now 19 weeks along( 20 Wks = 5 Mo), which puts us nearly half way through the 40 weeks of pregnancy and the baby at around 6 inches long from tail to top. Our little grapefruit is pictured at 18 weeks above, and the Life cover from 1965 shows a model fetus at 18 weeks on the far above right. The latest ultrasound revealed a perfect little baby who's gender is only known by a doctor and a sonographer and who is currently overloaded with nascent sensory ability as the brain divvies responsibilities between vision, olfaction, audition, and touch. Thus, I've been taking the time to rub my belly often and read T.S. Elliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats. I wonder what the cat names Mr. Mistoffelees and Rumpleteazer sound like in rhyming stanzas as they pass through to the baby; I imagine like Andre the Giant's voice, which is awesome. Baby's kidneys are now producing urine, which the baby excretes into his environment. Simultaneously, Baby is practicing his (or her?) swallowing by drinking the amniotic fluid. Breast milk will certainly be an upgrade. Besides reading, playing music, and listening to Baby's little heart often, we have begun our nesting phase. Adam is currently staining old furniture, and I've spent the morning cleaning. Over Saturday afternoon we learned about car seats, strollers, cribs, breast pumps (electric, dual pumping, and hands free = $250 WOW!!), bouncy things and bottles, joggers and bed side sleepers. We are developing an entirely new lexicon, saying the word "cute" often, and embarking on a new field of knowledge. It's very exciting but also very intimidating and some may even say stressful, as we venture upon this profound realization: Babies ain't cheap yo! Thank goodness for Craigslist, friends and family, who have already been so generous. And yes, that's me, in the muumuu, although I prefer the term "house dress."

Growth Stage: Apple

2009-04-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

15 weeks in, and just like a pea vine breaks through the crust of earth and transforms from an obscured seed into a visibly emergent and photosynthesizing plant, our baby too has busted a jeans button via a definite and growing bump! I should note that the bump is not all baby. In month four we’ve exchanged nausea with a voracious capability to consume entire cantaloupes and watermelon halves without squinting or pause. The farmer is hungry. The baby is certainly digging fresh fruit and still wants bacon – a vegetarian’s nightmare! Why can’t this baby want broccoli? Adam and I had another appointment at Swedish, where we recorded my first weight gain so far, and listened to one speedy and healthy heartbeat. What a comforting sound that heartbeat is! We got the thumbs up; everything is coming along swimmingly, perfect, normal, A-Ok. I love that Adam has been able to attend the last two appointments with me, not only is it supplementary nursing education, but it feels like our first outings as a family, especially now that we are starting to talk to her, I mean him, I mean…(?) Bets anyone?

What’s New with the Crop:

Besides sprouting, Baby Kestler is growing thin and fairly opaque skin. She is starting to grow lanugo- the downy fir that will completely cover her in a couple of weeks. Bone marrow is developing as well as, muscles, and eyebrows. Our little fetus can frown, grimace, make voluntary movements, and perhaps even suck a thumb. Baby Kestler is about the size of a Fuji Apple.

Recent Baby Highlights:

I spent the weekend in the San Juan Islands, with my sister, niece, dad and Susi, for some much needed family and relaxin’ time. I mentioned that the name Geronimo has grown on me (Adams' hopeful for a boy), which was met with laughter from all except my niece who seemed to love the name and repeated it over and over again with the enthusiasm of doing cannon balls into the deep end of a pool. GERONIMO!!!!!!!!!!! I have to admit, this made me like the name even more. Please, someone talk me out of it. I must add that I came home to one shiny, clean apartment – My husband rocks!

Today, the first hands of non-husband descent made there way to my belly. I can liken the experience to what certain craniologists must have performed during the 19^th century – some sort of eugenic skull analysis, except this was sweeter, has no concern with the cranium, and thankfully wasn’t seeking attributions with the size of my belly to intelligence, race, etc…thankfully. They were just the curious hands of a friend, but the act certainly surprised me.

Let's review: How to grow fingernails and toes

2009-04-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

At twelve weeks Baby Kestler is growing fingernails, developing hormones, a more sophisticated digestive and nervous system. Major events have occurred over the past few months in order to get to this stage in fetal development. Visually, we've gone from growing what could be one of several types of creatures: pig, chimp, dog, chicken or whale, to a fetus that looks distinctly human. Above is a representation of an embryo and a pregnant lady at 7 weeks and below is a photograph of a twelve week old fetus straight from the Abyss.

For the farmer, the first twelve weeks are purely survival. It can be like growing grapes in the Sahara or lemon trees in an alpine rain forest. The most nourishing food may be nowhere around. Or perhaps it is right there in the bottom of the fridge but you can't tolerate, fathom or stomach broccoli or spinach, a carrot or an orange. In that case, you ingest what you can. For me, ice cream and popsicles, thai food and nachos were like the small ravine tapped by a thirsty root. Thankfully, babies are more resilient than most plants. They can simply take the nourishment they need, and leave the fat and sugar for the farmer's winter plump. A fetus has first dibs on the calcium of her mother's bones and the iron in her blood. So for these past weeks I've been consuming what I can, not losing too much weight, knowing that my sweet little parasite is feasting just fine. Now however, it's time for major growth. The kind of growth that would require a seedling to turn into a forest giant over night. And that requires real food. Quinoa, lentils and beans are like compost to the soul and fetus, and while I've been salivating over the smokey scent of bacon and crispy prosciutto my vegetarian/pescetarian diet seems to provide the proper nutrients. I will just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Just a sprout!

2009-04-02T22:33:00.000-07:00

In early February, I waited outside our second bathroom where Adam was comfortably tucked away under a fan and reading the New Yorker. I knocked on the door hoping to give speed to the process. When he finally emerged I dragged him to my bathroom where an EPT with the faintest blue plus sign sat waiting. We questioned how such a wimpy sign could be taken as truth, but acted counter intuitively, at first, ignoring our reservations and celebrated. However, it was extremely pale, and despite the directions, which explained that a saturation issue should simply be ignored, we felt like clumsy fortunetellers in need of a second opinion. Or at least Adam did. Over the past few months pregnancy tests were my cocaine. If Adam wasn’t around I was peeing on an HCG strip - the procreative eight ball. By New Years, after growing tired of bright blue negative signs in e.p.t. windows, I put a baby in the mind’s attic and focused on baking and yoga instead. But if I knew anything about pregnancy tests, I knew what a negative one looked like. I also knew that I was pregnant; I can’t begin to tell you why or how I knew that, but I did. So when the second test proved similar, like a replica of an ill preserved watercolor, the antithesis of a bright, clear and dependable dash, Adam asked that I make an appointment for a formal test to make sure. I obliged after telling him to get used to the idea anyway. He knew I was telling him the truth; he simply didn’t want to rally a hope that could be painfully and quickly dismantled. The doctor said it had been so long since my last menstruation that the thought of testing was laughable and we’ve been living in euphoria ever since! We are now at week 12, the end of month three, and thus in near sight of the passing of one queasy, emotional and exhausting first trimester. We’ve already made the move to a bigger crib and started a list of quasi-serious (mostly leaning toward the former) baby names which include: Geronimo, Penny, Transbot, Lena and Augustus.

My first ultrasound occurred during Wk 6 close to Wk 7, when our little embryo looked more like a plankton with a perfectly beating heart. Our second ultrasound, at WK 11, was nothing short of magical. We are starting this blog (upon request even!) as a way to share our pregnancy with those precious friends and family who are scattered across the country and those of you who are perhaps near in distance and in the heart, but because of the general pace of life it has become hard to keep in touch. The transition from a marriage into a family will be the craziest adventure Adam and I will ever attempt. Here it goes!