Wow. I can't believe how fast the time is passing. Finneas is one day past three weeks old today and Adam had his first day back at work (just part-time this week). Finneas is doing very well, except for the hematoma on his head which isn't going away and may even be calcifying - this means it could be there for a while. But he's healthy and very happy, so the bump isn't so worrisome. He's much more alert now and seems to be a nocturnal child - if not crepuscular, taking those moments of dusk and dawn to send us into rolling laughter. He often takes some coaxing to go to sleep, and navigates the course of slumber like a cat battles a closed door in his own home - with much dismay. He's still waking up sporadically every 1-3 hours and will nurse every hour for a few hours straight when he's extra hunrgy(?) or needs comfort(?). I enjoy the bonding time with him, but as with every new mom, I could use a little bit more sleep. I love that Finn is already a smily boy and that he seems very tactile. I like to watch his hands and the look on his face when they discover a new movement or a new texture. Sometimes his fingers move and they remind me of a sculptor or his papa playing the guitar, maybe me playing the piano. He will do great things with those hands. He's also lifting his head more and able to turn it from one side to the other during tummy time. As all parents must say, my child is very advanced.
We haven't spent a moment apart and at this point it's hard to imagine being separated from him when I go back to work in January. Thankfully, Adam and I are determined to make our lives work so that I will only work a couple of days a week, and on those days Adam will be home. Adam is an amazing father and I am so happy that we're able to split home-time with Finneas, especially in lieu of the other childcare options.
So what have we been doing on our first day duetting? We've listened to old French music, read Roethke and Pound poems, and while he sleeps, I prepare a little bit of dinner for later and do laundry. It's been a very peaceful day. I keep thinking that I couldn't love anymore than I already do, but every day that passes I fall in love with Finneas a little more and my husband too, a little more - they are both so satisfying. Every moment just seems full - the optimum manifest, like a woman at the peak of her beauty or the like the final notes of a Tchaikovsky crescendo, like walking into an old growth forest at it's ancient and regal prime and feeling small in comparison to the tasks of nature. This is how I feel - humbled and yet overwhelmed with a warm joy. I can't say that I haven't had a few hormonal crashes, or teary moments at 3 am when I'm trying to nurse my baby to sleep with one eye open, nodding off to hit my head against the wall behind me and I can't remember if I've changed his diaper or not. I can't recall sleeping at all and yet wakefulness is like a dream at this point and it just seems like too much - for about two seconds - and then I realize how awesome the whole experience is and know that someday, I will get that full night's sleep. Someday.
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